I remember the very first time I became conscious of the way my body looked at certain angles. I was probably about 11 or 12 and sat down to talk to my mom when I looked down at my legs on the chair. I remember looking at them and pausing before I told her that “wow, look at how much fatter my legs are once I sit down!” At the time we both laughed about it because that’s such a funny little phrase for a 5th grader to say, but in reality, how horrible is that? From the youngest age we’re trained to look at our bodies as blobs of imperfection, but each of us is actually an individual miracle.
As most of you know I ran track and cross country in high school. We had practices everyday after school so we would all just change in the bathrooms before we started. We would all change in the open space in front of the stalls because the bathroom was so crowded and the giant mirror above the sinks reflected each person’s imperfections. I can’t even count how many times I would hear “Ugh my body…!” “Ew I look…!” “Do you see how fat/gross/ugly I am?” And how could I forget, one of the most hurtful insults I’ve ever gotten: “Elizabeth you don’t understand, you’re already skinny, it’s not fair.” Yes, I may be a size two, but it doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with what I look like. When you’re a size two you don’t have big boobs and the slightest pouch in your stomach is multiplies in a tight dress. Sometimes I feel like I’m awkwardly tall or that my nose is too big for my face or that one of my little squinty eyes is smaller than the other. My point? I can’t help that I was born and blessed with the bone structure that I have. As a size 2 I struggle just as much as a size 10, we both just struggle in different ways. I can’t even begin to describe how irritated I get when people tell me that I don’t understand how to feel. It bothers me even more when they try to tell me it’s my fault that I don’t have the same body structure as everyone else. Even though you may not notice it, telling someone that you “hate them because they’re skinny” is just as offensive as telling someone you think they look fat. Many people don’t realize it, but even though I was blessed with my body, I work to keep it the way that I received it. Everyday I either run 4 to 5 miles or do an ab workout, and that’s not always the easiest. It makes it even worse when I get online just to see a new video promoting the “healthy” image. I may be skinny, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not healthy. It’s so irritating to hear. A lot of people need to stop promoting what they think is beautiful, and just work on accepting all types of bodies. God created us each in His image, so each of us is modeled after perfection, He has done no wrong.
I guess I just wanted to post this so everyone who has ever said any of these things in the past knows how offensive they can actually be. Growing up with nicknames along the lines of Twiggy Bird, Stick, or Slim hasn’t ever been fun and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Be mindful of your words, they may not reshape someone figure, but they reshape how they view it.
“But I just don’t want to leave yet….” I felt the words escape my mouth before I could really think about meaning them. No, I didn’t want to leave yet…but at the same time, I had high hopes of what would come right before we parted ways. We got out of the back of my car and gathered the empty Ben & Jerry’s Half and Half ice cream containers that had been full three hours earlier. I turned to him and smiled as he wrapped me in one of his famous, giant bear hugs.
“I don’t want to leave either, but I have an exam in six hours and you have to get home to your sister,” he told me. I knew he was right, but tonight was so perfect. Again. I never knew sitting in an empty parking lot for three hours could be such a fun date, but with him it somehow was. Rico continued to hug me as we slowly started to sway back and forth. “Look at that, now we’re dancing…” he whispered in my ear.
I giggled, “But you hate dancing!”
“I do. But right now I’m dancing with you.” He was so charming, this moment was so perfect.
Knowing that I had to go, I pulled away and looked at him. “Thanks again for just sitting here with me, I had fun. I’m going to miss you.”
He smiled back at me, “I’m going to miss you more, you know.”
Blushing, I looked down. He kissed the top of my head and I looked back up into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I think you just missed?” I half asked and half told him before he interrupted me with a kiss. Not a full on movie scene, but not just a peck. Somewhere in between with just a pinch of perfection. Aka, the best first kiss I’ve ever had. When he pulled away, I smiled at him.
“So. Remind me again, how ticklish are you?” He asked seconds before attacking me. I screamed and giggled and not so sternly scolded him before running to my car. I smiled at him through the window as I watched him get into his own and we both pulled out of the parking lot before turning our separate ways. I couldn’t stop smiling for my entire ride home, just marveling at the perfection that made up my night.
Five days before I was standing in Rico’s driveway when he asked me out in, again, the most perfect way. “So, I was thinking….I really want to be able to take my girlfriend to this Toby Keith concert coming up . . . what do you say?” He asked.
“Is this you asking me to be your girlfriend? Well finally! Of course!” I replied before receiving one of the longest hugs I’ve ever had. When he pulled away that night, I looked at him and told him he wasn’t allowed to kiss me yet. When we had had date after date since then (all ending without a kiss) I started to regret saying that. But laying in bed right now, I can say God made it all work out flawlessly. As they say, the best kiss is exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it ever even reaches the lips……
Music has always narrated the background of my life, and theres typically never a quiet moment with me. That’s why summer is always so wonderful; so much music, so much time! Every song that I’ve been into this summer is upbeat and just really makes me want to roll down my windows and drive. Instead of keeping all of these great songs to myself, I thought I’d share what I currently have rollin on loop!
Starting at the bottom of my playlist…..
13. Song About A Girl – Eric Paslay
12. Somethin’ Bad – Miranda Lambert with Carrie Underwood
11. Drunk On A Plane – Dierks Bentley
10. Dirt – Florida Georgia Line
9. Show You Off – Dan + Shay
8. Photograph/ Don’t/I’m A Mess – Ed Sheeran
7. Beachin’ – Jake Owen
6. Dust – Eli Young Band
5. Boom Clap – Charli XCX
4. Maps – Maroon 5
3. We Are Tonight – Billy Currington
2. Classic – MKTO
1. Back Home – Andy Grammar
All of these songs are soooooo my summer! Even though I think I have a pretty good playlist, I’m always looking for new music, so let me know what you have going non stop in your life too!
I haven’t really gotten any attention from any guy at all this summer, but for some reason the other day three different guys asked me to hang out, and it was actually kind of strange. I went to high school with one of them, Rico was another (and I actually hung out with him twice yesterday, but that’s a story for later!!) and we’ll call the last guy Cole. Rico and I work with Cole, and when I was going through my Facebook messages a few nights ago I saw that he’s messaged me four or five times the past few weeks and I had no idea. I decided that why not, I should message him back. So I did. After I did I guess I wasn’t replying fast enough because he decided it would be easier for me to just text him so I got his number. He immediately asked me to hang out with him and he was throwing out the compliments (FYI, for those of you who don’t know, that’s a sign that you’ve got a classic ass on your hands, excuse my language.) I tried with the one word answers and the not replying, but it wasn’t working. After he continued to text me without a reply, I got a message from him: “Send me a picture?(: ” Ummmm excuse me? Do you even know who you’re talking to? I’m a girl who will look at that and read something along the lines of “I really don’t want to get to know you, I just want to talk to you because you’ll send me pictures of your naked body.” Let me also reiterate the fact that he never talks to me in person at work. He’ll come up to a group of my friends and talk to every one of them except for me. I’m really sorry that I don’t wear makeup or do my hair for when I’m on the clock, but you see that I do in pictures on Facebook and decide that I’m actually pretty enough for you when I try? After I completely went off on him for not respecting not only me, but every woman he encounters everyday, he tried changing his mind and telling me it was just for my contact info in his phone. Yeah, I’m really not stupid, I promise. If he wanted a picture of my face, he could have chosen one of my many profile pictures he went through and “liked” on Facebook. Please. I really have no respect for guys like this. I hate it when a man thinks he is entitled to a picture of a woman because he asks. If a man really wants to get to know you, he should prove it. He should try to find out what you like to do, what you believe in. Even something as simple as asking what your favorite color is. It absolutely kills me to watch girls fall for games that guys play, to settle for something less than they deserve. I don’t have a problem telling a guy when he’s absolutely screwed up, so this isn’t that bad for me, but it really, really hurts when I watch my friends go through this. I just don’t tolerate it anymore. I wish everyone else wouldn’t either.
Rant over, thank you 🙂