When I don’t know what to do, I ask God for help. Sometimes He answers me through the people around me or with a feeling I get, but sometimes He has to step in to grab my attention when I’m not listening. Sometimes I’m not a great listener at all and I’m pretty selfish with my free time, but God still knows how to step in and help me out. Scrolling through Instagram the other day I saw one of those Motivational Monday posts. Me being me on Mondays, I usually just scroll right past them . . . but for some crazy reason I read this one. And you know what it said?
If you’re not happy with your life, change it.
Wow. How perfect for what I needed to hear. I’m just a ball of emotions: lonely, unsatisfied, full of wonder, and just unhappy. The majority of these come from being at the school I’m currently enrolled in. Last year I lived on campus just like I do this year but I didn’t like it. I thought it would change when I switched roommates and dorms but I still find myself craving to drive the two hours back home every. single. weekend. And how awful is that? Yeah, I go to college to get an education, but what’s that even worth if I dread being here? I can tell you one thing, not all of these student loans. For awhile, I convinced myself to put up with it, shut my mouth, and deal. The thought of transferring had crossed my mind more than once, but I never thought it could be a reality.
Then I saw this quote. Wow. I’m not happy, and I’m not going to ever be happy if I just accept unhappiness. Sure, living here and going to school here has it’s perks (like um, the bite sized baby cornbread in the dining hall??) but the perks at home outweigh everything. Being at home with my family, where I’m comfortable and happy and enjoy just being. Back home I have a place I love working at, a group of friends who understand my religious views, a place I feel accepted. Yeah, everyone knows that I have a boyfriend back home too. My dad has sat me down more times that I can count just to ask me if he’s the reason I’m coming back. Even though living 116 miles closer to him than I do now would be a perk, that would be stupid of me. I can’t keep trying to fill what’s missing inside of me with the people around me because that’s one of my biggest problems now.
What if I transfer and hate going to school and living at home more than I hate being here? Yeah, that’s a worry of mine. But I’d rather take a risk and know I’m not missing out on something instead of always wondering what if. It feels so good to finally be able to make a decision on my own and take charge of what I want to do. I’ve never been able to do that, and it feels great. I’m on a mission to find happiness, and I can’t wait to see how it pays off.