To My Future Daughter-
The boy you loved just broke your heart, and I’m so, so sorry. It’s hard trying to convince yourself to move on from someone who was your present and your future when you realize that he’s someone who has to be in your past now. It’s awful not being able to sleep at night and not having an appetite to eat anymore, but I can promise you one thing: if I made it through it, you can make it through it too.
The first thing everyone always says once they hear about your breakup is “Oh no! I’m so sorry! What happened?” And as kind as that is for them to say, you and I both know they don’t really mean it. They want to know the details so they can share them, but they don’t really care about the full story. The heart-wrenching, tear stained, brokenness that you’ve now become. They don’t want to know absolutely every thought you’ve had because they know they can’t help, and I can’t really blame them. Dealing with a breakup is something that needs to be worked on alone, like putting yourself under construction. It may look messy now, but you’re going to come out as a stronger, more beautiful person on the inside and out.
But becoming the person who doesn’t have to fake a smile anymore is hard, it takes work. And I’m by no means an expert, but I’m going through it right now. And if I’ve learned anything at all over the past month (exactly, because I count those things) it’s the points I’m about to list. It sucks knowing that someone doesn’t want you or love you, but being able to look at them and know it was your choice to not beg for him back is a very empowering feeling. So here’s some of my advice.
1) I know, all of a sudden you don’t have your best friend. He’s just gone and you know there’s nothing you can do about it. Everyone says that you should quit the contact cold turkey, but after dating a guy for so long I can tell you that that’s absolutely torture. You don’t have to delete him as a Facebook friend and you can keep his number saved in your phone. Everyone told me I had to quit talking to him, but after someone being your world for so long, you’re allowed to slowly let go, even if it feels like you’re the only one who still cares enough to reach out. You’re allowed to call him when your next first date goes badly and you can still snapchat him if you think you’re makeup is absolutely on point. No, you shouldn’t keep acting like he’s your boyfriend when he’s not, but sometimes just seeing that he’s okay and alive makes things a little bit better.
2) Find out who your true friends are. I know that at first, everyone in the world seems like they’re there for you and wants to talk to you, but they’re not. When you find yourself breaking down once again at 4am, you really get to see that some people will absolutely always be there for you. These people can surprise you, like the one person from high school you never thought you’d talk to again, or even his best friends. It sounds bad when I tell people that my ex’s best friends have helped me through this breakup the most, but they’re the ones who (almost) know him better than I do, and just having that distant connection sometimes just helps.
3) Cry it out. You deserve some emotional breakdowns. Scream, run, rip apart everything he ever gave you. Burn what you’re not strong enough to rip and smile about it. Take a drive and have a vent session and basically feel your feelings. You have them and you’re 100% allowed to express them.
4) When you end a relationship with someone after so long, you’re not just losing a boyfriend. You lose your best friend, his family, his pets, his friends, and all the memories you made together. But I can promise you one thing, as great and loving as his family was, there are other guys with wonderful families as well. They are going to be just as, if not even more, accepting and loving of you and you will fit right in. I know it’s hard, but I also know it will happen.
5) If you tell him you love him and he doesn’t love you back, that’s his problem, not yours. You’re absolutely perfect.
6) Music helps with everything. Find a playlist and listen to it until you can’t stand another lyric. And then find another playlist that you think was basically written about your life, because it really does make it seem like you’re not the only one dealing with a broken heart.
7) Moving on. This one doesn’t come soon and it doesn’t come easy, but one day you’ll unexpectedly see him. Your heart will race and you’ll suddenly get nervous for no reason, but you’ll be the bigger person and walk up to him. His reaction may not be what you were expecting, but it’ll be exactly what you need to turn around, pull out your phone, and delete his number forever, because a man who isn’t thrilled to see you after so long isn’t a man you want in your life anyways.
8) Dress up and take some selfies because it’ll make you feel happy, and feeling happy makes everything better.
9) Thank him for breaking your heart. I still haven’t gotten to this point yet, but I can at least see that it exists. The only thing that I want is a redo button, a second chance that would change everything. I would if I could, but he told me continuously that no, it was never going to happen agin. This broke my heart more and more each time, but one day I know that he’ll be one of the people I’m most thankful for. Without him constantly telling me no, I know that I would never be able to find the man I’m made to marry. I thank God for the peace in my heart to know that he’s out there, and I guess if I had you as a daughter you know he exists too.
No matter what, keep your head up. You’re a princess and if you keep looking down your tiara will fall, and we don’t want that now do we?