I love this.
My least favorite time of the day is now the morning. The crushing heartache doesn’t come at night anymore, but instead is there to greet me as my eyes flutter open. I remember over and over that he is really gone, that he doesn’t want to fight for me anymore. Then, I plaster a brave smile on my face and function, because there is no other choice. I’m not telling him I’m sad anymore either – I’ve relieved him of his duty of carrying both of our pain.
I’ve found a room in the hospital in the last two days – it’s a spiritual room lined with chairs, and is always empty. I find myself sitting there at lunchtimes, head in my hands, trying to stop the tears from coming. I’ve talked to myself? God? the universe? whoever could hear me, and asked for wisdom to accept the fact we were always…
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