Being Downgraded To A Sexual Object By A Man

To all the ladies out there who have ever bought any type of lingerie . . . Have you ever had a man ring you out and comment on your choices?  Specifically telling you that “Wow, I can just picture you in this right now.”  Any of you get offended?  I know that I sure do.  I get offended hearing about this happening to friends, to family members, to women that I don’t even know.  No, this hasn’t happened to me specifically, but I work in a sporting goods/hunting store, and we sell camouflage lingerie.  Yeah, it’s absolutely hideous and we joke about it, but some people are really into it.  When we sell any of it, everyone always notices.  But it’s typically that someone just bought it, not anything about the actual woman who purchased it.  But imagine my surprise and absolute disgust when, after ringing out the first woman who bought a matching bra and undies set, my male coworker turned to me to comment on it.  Let me tell you something first, this is the same coworker who asked me for pictures a few months ago so I already don’t think very highly of him.  After the woman left he turned and looked at me and said: “Man, that entire time I could not stop picturing her in that.”  Excuse me? What was that?

Am I the only one who finds this absolutely downgrading? Women are SO MUCH MORE than boobs and a butt!  We are created and designed for so much more than just a sexual objects or eye candy for men!  What’s worse? This was a few weeks ago . . . and tonight it was MY boyfriend who sold a set.  Of course he thought it would be necessary to tell me because we joke about how many we sell, but just the way he told me hits the same nerve that was hit before.  “I wanted to remind her that it’s common courtesy to dress for the body you have, not for the kind you want….” Excuse me? Again? I thought better than you! You should NEVER judge a woman on her body, especially if you don’t know her story.  Maybe she was buying new lingerie to inspire and motivate herself to make it become her size eventually, but that’s absolutely none of your business.  And you know what? You shouldn’t be looking her up and down judging her body anyways.  Oh wait, my bad, you’re just “being a dude, sorry.”  Yeah, me too. I’m sorry I thought you could control yourself better than you obviously can.

Maybe it hits more home with me than it should because I just assumed that Rico didn’t look other women up and down everyday judging and imagining what their bodies look like.  Yes, I’m a virgin and he’s not.  Maybe that makes my worries MY fault and MY problems, but it shouldn’t.  I should be able to trust and confide in him and know that he respects and treasures me.  I hate the idea of being compared to his imaginations and past relationships, and that’s such an awful feeling.  Maybe he can’t help his initial thoughts because he is a guy, but he should at least be trying to stop himself.  Not only do myself and the women around him deserve more, but he does as well.  The entire thing just makes me so disappointed.

It’s okay to appreciate a woman’s beauty, but that appreciation should be limited to how beautiful God created her to be, not letting that appreciation seep deep into the imagination.

That’s all, rant over.

~E

Thought I’d Share……

Just scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed a few moments ago I decided to click on an article Project Inspired put on their page today. I couldn’t get through this video without knowing that I really needed to share it.

http://www.projectinspired.com/girl-to-girl-talk-i-will-wait-for-you-spoken-word-future-husband-qualities/

Have a great Wednesday!!
~E

Welcome To My Mind: Falling In Love Scares Me

There are so many things in our world that you can be afraid of. Some of them make sense to everyone, but only a few people understand less common fears. One of my biggest fears, besides getting raped and then murdered (duh), is falling in love. I don’t know if it’s the self sacrifice that comes with loving someone or the emotional trauma that comes when you decide that you shouldn’t be with that person anymore, but I fear the entire process. I’ve had a boyfriend tell me he loved me before, but deep down I don’t think he meant it. I know that in the past I would have claimed to love some people, but I think I continuously confuse falling in love with falling in love with the idea of love.
Being in love sounds scary. You can’t predict what’s going to happen in the future and can’t prepare your heart for it. You can never tell if you’re giving too much of yourself or not enough at all. Falling in love is just like it sounds….you fall. With the leap you take declaring your love, someone can either reject it and let you shatter on the ground or they can catch you and love you in return.
On a more personal level, I worry so much. About the future, about the past, about things I can’t even change. I worry about it all. One of the things I’ve always worried about is falling in love with the wrong person. What if I take that leap and end up on the ground broken because I’m not caught. What if I am, and the guy I love ends up dropping me in the future? What if I’m the one who drops him?
I worry so much about my future marriage. Almost every married couple I’m close with has been through a divorce, and I don’t want to go through that too. I worry that I’ll bring too much baggage to my husband and feel guilty about it years after we say I do. I fear that loving someone I don’t end up marrying will effect me so much emotionally and that’s why the idea of falling in love scares me. I worry that I secretly won’t approve of my husband if he comes into our marriage after declaring his love for numerous women before me. I know it’s good to have expectations for your future, but sometimes I wonder if mine are too far out there. So welcome to my mind, just a little insight about what keeps me up at night.

~E

Today’s Question: Would I Ever Get A Tattoo?

Hey everyone! This is one question I seem to be getting asked a lot lately, so I thought I would make a blog post about it! Tattoos are beautiful. They’re works of art that require dedication and a steady hand, they can be breathtaking. I appreciate the time and effort that goes into them, but I don’t think I would ever get one anywhere on my own body…with one exception.
I grew up with divorced parents so I really don’t know what it’s like living in a household with parents who love each other unconditionally. Even though their divorce really benefited me in the long run, I never want to go into my own marriage thinking that divorce could be an option for me as well. When I get married, I want it to be forever. In our culture today, people look at the rings and vows as optional — like it’s not permanent and you can change your mind in a few years. I don’t want that. When I say “I do,” I want it to represent forever. To show this, I want my husband and I to get matching tattoos on our ring fingers. Not anything trashy that would take the place of our rings, but just a reminder that the vows are serious, to me they mean forever.
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A lot of people I’ve shared this with think that I’m ridiculous. To me, marriage is a true commitment that you should have to work for even when the times get tough. Having a tattoo that I can’t just slide off my finger will remind me of that.
~E

Just A Kiss Goodnight…..

“But I just don’t want to leave yet….” I felt the words escape my mouth before I could really think about meaning them. No, I didn’t want to leave yet…but at the same time, I had high hopes of what would come right before we parted ways. We got out of the back of my car and gathered the empty Ben & Jerry’s Half and Half ice cream containers that had been full three hours earlier. I turned to him and smiled as he wrapped me in one of his famous, giant bear hugs. 
“I don’t want to leave either, but I have an exam in six hours and you have to get home to your sister,” he told me. I knew he was right, but tonight was so perfect. Again. I never knew sitting in an empty parking lot for three hours could be such a fun date, but with him it somehow was. Rico continued to hug me as we slowly started to sway back and forth. “Look at that, now we’re dancing…” he whispered in my ear.
I giggled, “But you hate dancing!”
“I do. But right now I’m dancing with you.” He was so charming, this moment was so perfect.
Knowing that I had to go, I pulled away and looked at him. “Thanks again for just sitting here with me, I had fun. I’m going to miss you.”
He smiled back at me, “I’m going to miss you more, you know.”
Blushing, I looked down. He kissed the top of my head and I looked back up into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I think you just missed?” I half asked and half told him before he interrupted me with a kiss. Not a full on movie scene, but not just a peck. Somewhere in between with just a pinch of perfection. Aka, the best first kiss I’ve ever had. When he pulled away, I smiled at him.
“So. Remind me again, how ticklish are you?” He asked seconds before attacking me. I screamed and giggled and not so sternly scolded him before running to my car. I smiled at him through the window as I watched him get into his own and we both pulled out of the parking lot before turning our separate ways. I couldn’t stop smiling for my entire ride home, just marveling at the perfection that made up my night.
Five days before I was standing in Rico’s driveway when he asked me out in, again, the most perfect way. “So, I was thinking….I really want to be able to take my girlfriend to this Toby Keith concert coming up . . . what do you say?” He asked.
“Is this you asking me to be your girlfriend? Well finally! Of course!” I replied before receiving one of the longest hugs I’ve ever had. When he pulled away that night, I looked at him and told him he wasn’t allowed to kiss me yet. When we had had date after date since then (all ending without a kiss) I started to regret saying that. But laying in bed right now, I can say God made it all work out flawlessly. As they say, the best kiss is exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it ever even reaches the lips……

~E

The start of it all…..

So I’ve decided that if I’m going to blog about chastity, purity, and dating with a purpose, I feel like I should give the back story on how I came to be so passionate about it.  In my senior year of high school, I took a mandatory Morality class where we studied the Theology of the Body.  Up until that point, I had never really thought about my future relationship with my (future) husband.  It had never crossed my mind that the choices I make in current relationships could eventually cause damage in my marriage.  Now, if I’m being honest, I’m not the type of person who attracts a lot of guys, so I’ve never really had this become a problem, but it does make me think about things and put them into perspective.  This is why I really only want to date with a purpose.  I used to say ‘date to marry,’ but that’s recently changed.  When you date with a purpose, you’re looking towards the future for marriage, but are not absolutely absorbed in the fact that marriage absolutely must happen in the future of the relationship.  I think that sometimes, like in my current case, its okay to be in a relationship with someone you don’t see a future with.  I have a list of qualities that a guy must have for me to even consider dating (I’ll blog about that list later), and my current boyfriend has all but one.  My relationship with him has helped me learn so much, and not just about myself, but also about my relationship with God.  The one quality that he doesn’t have is that he isn’t Catholic, and that bothers me so much more than it probably should.  I knew this when we started dating, but I got involved in the relationship to test how important that one little item on my list really was, and I’ve learned that it’s almost as important as all of the others combined.  Without getting into this relationship, I wouldn’t have learned this and it could have caused soooooo many problems with future dating.  Like one of my biggest fears ever (besides getting raped and murdered, of course) is getting attached to someone I know that I shouldn’t be with.  I have a lot of random thoughts like this and will probably post the majority of them until I feel like I’ve establish a strong foundation about what I believe in regarding relationships, but I hope this first little bit made sense? I mean it did in my mind soooo……

~Elizabeth