End of Semester Update: Transferring Regrets?

A few months ago, I transferred from a small, private school two and a half hours away from everything I had known, to a slightly larger state school way closer to home. This decision was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in my college career thus far because of the fact that all of a sudden, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted. I couldn’t give a definite reason for leaving other than the simple fact that I knew I wasn’t as happy as I could be somewhere else. So I did it, I made a big girl, grown up decision and turned my life around in the hopes that it would change for the better. Since then, I’ve gotten a lot of questions, are you truly happier now? Do you ever wish you could go back? Any regrets? And for awhile, I fell for the skepticism people were throwing at me. Was I really happier? As soon as I moved I lost quite a lot of friends and one of the most important people in my life . . . I did sometimes doubt whether I had made a good decision or not.

But let me tell you the truth, because I’ve done a lot of thinking about it: I am so happy now. I make my own choices now and I never regret them. My friend group has proven itself and I know who will really be there to stick through everything with me until the end. I have a better understanding of who I am as a person and what I value in other people as well. I’ve grown so much closer to the people around me and absolutely love waking up in the small town I call home every single morning. Sure, I’ve had my rough days and dreaded moments being on my new campus, but compared to how I was before, I don’t have any regrets. It’s so freeing to be able to make the choice to be happy, and I recommend it to anyone who needs to make that choice as well. You’re never trapped anywhere other than your own state of mind. As soon as you start choosing happiness your entire life will just transform.

So yes, I do have an answer for those who ask me. I love my new school. I love being closer to my family and friends. I love the decisions I’ve made and most of all, I love myself. I love being happy and you should too.

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Same Game, Same Place, Two Months Later

Games, Luke Bryan.

How accurate is that song, on point with my life right now.

And I’m not sure if I can do it anymore.

Tonight I was hit with the overwhelming feeling that I’m not good enough. I’m shutting people out of my life and feel like I’m so focused on fixing what I had with you that I don’t want to talk to any of my friends anymore because I know how much they all disapprove of you now.

And I know, I am stupid. I’m trying way too hard trying to prove myself to you so that you can see what you’re missing out on, but you aren’t even pretending to help me get over you.

So here I am, two months exactly from our breakup and still crying.

And that makes me feel pitiful about myself.

But I know that it’s not only my fault. Before we started dating last summer, we would hang out as just friends, three or four times a week. I always said that we were just hanging out and those weren’t dates but you always tried to convince me that they were….flash forward ten months and we’re right back in that crazy confusing in-between stage of self doubt and insecurity. Why do you still walk me to my car after we get off work and find a way to create a new chain of conversation until the parking lot is empty? Why do you still ask me to go “get food” and go to the movies with you? Yeah sure, two people who are just friends could do that, but you know exactly how I feel and how confused I get. And you know I’ll let it continue because I don’t want to loose you completely.

I feel like, for reasons I can’t figure out, I’m not good enough to be your girlfriend anymore. I was never good enough to meet your family or deserve your love. But for some stupid reason, I’m suddenly good enough to drag along as a half-hearted friend who you know will always be there for you, no matter what.

And that’s what destroys me inside.

I need to be able to move on, but I’ll never be able to do that if you keep giving me this false hope.

And as true as I know that is, I still haven’t come to the reality of accepting it.

Wrapping Up Rep Season: Serengetee

As you may or may not know, this past spring semester I was a campus rep for this awesome company called Serengetee! Serengetee makes these pocket shirts from fabric around the world and a portion of the money from each shirt goes back to an organization from that part of the globe! Not only do they have such cute products, but they help a great cause!! I can’t even begin to describe how much fun being a rep was so instead I’ll just let you find out! Applications for being a summer rep are on their website now (http://serengetee.com) and applying is superrrrrr easy! When you’re a rep you get awesome discounts for life, free gear, and a great new group of friends! If you do apply, write my name in the “previous rep who referred you” box so that we oth get awesome stuff! Just so you guys know how much fun being a rep was, these are some of the pictures we took when I did my rep project a few weeks ago. S/O to my wonderful friends for helping me out with modeling! 

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~Elizabeth