Do You Know How Much You Are Loved?

Yesterday I realized that I probably tell my roommate I love her more times a day than I tell my own mother. Love is a word that’s just thrown around now, but at the same time, it’s just so powerful. Sure, I love Katie and would do anything for her. And yes, I’m going to tell her that even if I’m leaving the room for .4 seconds to go and pee and come back. My point is, we typically let the people who mean the most to us know that they do.
But I have a question: Most people don’t “see” God everyday and don’t always feel like He is there with them in their struggles, so how should we always know that He is? God’s love for us is hard to understand. We’re all taught that He loved us so much that He sent His only son to die for us. Yes, I can spit that back out at you any time of any day, but how well does that transfer over to life outside of mass? Can you just walk outside and smile because you just know God loves you so so so much? Or when the sun hits your face do you take a second to thank God for His love? On sunny days I try to, but over the past few days it’s been raining and storming. How do I know God is there for me during those storms?
Once upon a time someone told me something that really made me realize His love for me . . . do you know the feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio? That new one that’s hardly ever played? The dance party you throw for yourself in your car because of it? The happiness it gives you? Yeah, God’s love for you is greater than that. Take that in . . . isn’t it crazy?
Last night I was in tears watching videos of Taylor Swift’s fans meeting her in the 1989 Secret Sessions she’s been hosting. Each fan was hand picked and invited to her house for cookies and a preview the new album. As they entered her house one by one, she knew each one by name even though she’s never actually met any of them. I cried and cried watching these fans because I was just. that. happy. And you want to know what’s insane? What made me cry even more? Knowing that the love I felt for each of those people, a love so strong it came in tears of happiness, the complete love I felt for each of those strangers, was nothing compared to God’s love for me. That’s so crazy. No matter what, God loves you that much. You can turn your back and deny Him, but He’s always waiting to bring you back home, because that’s what love is, forever.


Learning and Growing: Who Helped Along the Way

One of my biggest beliefs is that absolutely everything happens for a reason; I believe that every person you meet and every decision you make is the one that God always wanted for you.  Because of this, I often contemplate why certain people cross my path.  One person in particular raised this thought in my mind more often than others did.  He came into my life and touched it in a way that no one had ever been able to do before, and he changed my perspective on relationships completely.  To put it bluntly, he treated me like no woman ever deserves to be treated.  He may have opened doors for me and told me that I was “gorgeous” more often than I needed to hear, but I wasn’t the only girl he treated like this.  Instead of committing to any one of the seven or so of us, he just cycled through the list making us wait turns to have the wonderful pleasure of hanging out with him.  Reality started to hit home when he told me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life the night I was officially becoming a member of the Catholic Church (which was um, one of the best decisions ever, actually.)  I started to realize that I deserve to be treated like an absolute princess.  I deserve to be someone’s one and only, I’m worth a commitment; any guy not willing to commit to a relationship with me was suddenly not worth my time.  So I made my first real decision in whatever the “relationship” was.  I told him I was done and moving on.  Writing that now just sounds so easy and simple, but it was actually really difficult.  The process of moving on, deleting the number, blocking on Facebook, and subtweeting battles were wayyyy harder than I ever thought they would be, but looking back exactly one year later (April 14th marks the “day that I was done” anniversary) I couldn’t be happier at where it took me.

Throughout the entire “getting over him and moving on” process I really couldn’t see why God was making me go through all of the pain that this guy had caused me, why did He let me fall for him as hard as I did and not give me some indication that it was a bad idea?  Now, however, I see why all of it had to happen.  All of the stress, worry, tears, and drama.  And guess what?  Every single bit of it is worth what I now know.   God put me through that entire roller coaster of emotions so that I would know what to look for in the next guy that came along.  In fact, shortly after this I made a list of qualities that any guy had to have for me to even consider dating him, and that’s gotten me so much farther than I ever thought it would!  But I’ll blog about that later.  One of the most important lessons I learned from this (you know, other than the fact that I deserve to be treated like an actual person) is that God really does have a plan for me and my life.  He’ll help me and guide me to where I’m needed, and He will make me the happiest I’ve ever been if I just trust in Him.  And you know what?  That’s a lesson that I really needed to know, because what could ever be better than God’s love?

I guess that I really used to hate this poor guy, but now I’m just a mix of feeling sorry for him and being thankful for him all at the same time.  I used to say that I didn’t know what I would do without him, but now that I’m without him and can appreciate it, I don’t know how I would ever deal with living with him in my life again!  Hope that little story helps you know that God loves you and has such a beautiful plan for your life too!  Happy Monday everyone!